Irritated by God

Sometimes God just irritates me. I don’t mean to be rude or disrespectful but it is the truth.

For the past several weeks God has been pushing...no...shoving me out of my comfort zone! Those of you who know me, know that I am basically in introvert and I am (for the most part) content with my life...homemaker and wife.

But for what ever reason, I'm being stretched and I don't like it at all!

Next weekend I fly to North Carolina, by myself (scary!!) to go to a writers conference where I will have an opportunity to "sell my book" to two publishers. I wish you could hear the horror film screams in my head...this is not at all something I would ever choose to do!! What if they say my baby (this book I wrote) is ugly? What if they tell me I'm a bad writer? What if I'm humiliated?

Did I mention I don't want to do this...God is making me - cuz He's mean.

All this being out of my comfort zone finally caught up with me last week as I was attempting to: put together a book proposal, chapter synopsis, elevator pitch as well as two magazine articles; not to mention the mom stuff, and house stuff and wife stuff. I came as close to having a panic attack as I ever have. I'm not sure what the protocol is regarding panic attacks but I shut down and just wanted to throw my hands up in disgust and then take a week long nap! There just wasn't enough time in the day to get it all done.

And as my stress level rose, it brought out every insecurity I have...trust me, there are a lot! I started questioning my ability at a wife, mother, homemaker, friend, writer...person.

But as irritating and mean as God can be...He's also fantastically perfect in His words and ways. And He's funny!

As I was reading through the book of Ecclesiastes, searching for inspiration and motivation...God hit me with a brick! Perfectly worded, just for me...exactly when I needed to hear it.

"But regarding anything beyond this, dear friend, go easy. There's no end to the publishing of books, and constant study wears you out so you're no good for anything else. The last and final word is this:
Fear God.
Do what he tells you." ~Ecclesiastes 12:13-14 (The Message)

At first, I couldn't believe it! It made me laugh out loud! I had been so worn out from my constant studying and preparing for this writers conference that I was good for nothing else (just ask my family). Was God actually telling me that I need to take it easy? Was He trying to give me perspective about getting my book published?

I spent the day just shaking my head in amazement at what an quirky, funny, intimate God we have!

The conversation I had with Him (in my head) went something like this:

"okay, Lord...so you've called me to write this book and you're forcing me to go to this conference (against my will, I might add) and now you give me Scripture telling me to take it easy? I don't get it! Sometimes you can be irritating."

Almost immediately God responded (again, just a thought in my head...not in an audible voice or anything...that would be weird!) with:

"I know I can be irritating at times, but it's only because I love you, and whether or not you realize it...it's what's best for you. This irritation is like sand paper on a rough surface, it may not feel good but it is doing good. You just need to trust me as I smooth out the rough spots."

Okay God...I know there's a lot of sanding down to do in my life...so...

Irritate away...you big meanie!!

Just a small side note. I looked up the definition of "meanie" and it says: A person of authority who subjects others to undue pressures!