How about a little courage, Lord?!

Why is it so hard to trust God when things don't look like they are going very well?

Have you ever had one of those days that seems to be orchestrated specifically to get you to loose heart? That's how today has been for me.

It's the strangest feeling...when your heart and head play tug of war. My heart is telling me to give up because it's just not in me to do what I believe the Lord wants me to be doing. It's not my personality nor my desire to pursue being an author, speaker or leader of any kind. Quite the opposite. I'm much more comfortable being a stay at home mom and house wife. But I believe the Lord has (for whatever reason) given me a message and a mission.

One thing I've asked for over and over again, these past few months, has been courage. The courage to be bold. To be honest, He hasn't answered that prayer just yet. I'm about the farthest thing from bold that one could possibly be.

But I was encouraged today when I ran into an old friend who has known me for a very long time (almost 20 years). She hugged me and told me how proud she was of me. She's understands how far out of my comfort zone I've gone and am going. She talked about how what I am doing is obviously a God thing because it is something I would never choose to do on my own. It felt good to have someone recognize that.

For now, even though I've yet to receive that boldness I so wish I had; the Lord keeps reminding me that He is sufficient:

"Therefore, since we are surrounded by such a great cloud of witnesses, let us throw off everything that hinders and the sin that so easily entangles, and let us run with perseverance the race marked out for us. Let us fix our eyes on Jesus, the author and perfecter of our faith, who for the joy set before him endured the cross, scorning its shame, and sat down at the right hand of the throne of God. Consider him who endured such opposition from sinful men, so that you will not grow weary and lose heart. Hebrews 12:1-3

Sometimes persevering is hard. Especially on days like today when things just don't seem to be going the way you hoped.