I suppose God doesn't really need my help...

Last week I was sitting at Starbucks with a brokenhearted woman who wanted nothing more than for her husband to change;

"If he would just come to church..."
"if someone could just make him see how he's ruining our family..."
"if I could just get him to want to change..."

I could relate - I've felt that way many times over the years. All those if only's are a familiar tune in my head. That song and dance used to be my favorite. For a time it was like a broken record, stuck on the same song, just playing - "if only you would change, then I could be happy" over and over again.

All she wanted (this hurting wife) was for someone...anyone...to do or say something that would get her husband to sit up and pay attention to their struggling marriage. It was hard for her to realize and accept that the only one who could change her husband -- was her husband. She was grasping for straws and desperate for help.

As I listened to her sad story, (one which I was very familiar with)...I began to share many of the things I've learned and used in these past several years to get myself to right thinking. I pulled out just about every pearl of wisdom that I had acquired over the years in my journey through heartbreak.

Yet each and every statement of truth seemed to just fall flat. Nothing I said seemed to make any difference. I'd mention to her that maybe she should ask herself how she got here, to this place -- she'd respond, "I'm not sure, but if he would just change then things would be better." This banter quickly became the dynamic of our discussion. I'd suggest that maybe, just maybe she could start to work on some of her own issues, and then she'd tell me how her husband just needed to change.

Finally, my bag of tricks was empty. I had pulled out every catchy little saying I could think of and just didn't know what else there was to say or how I could help? So, as I listened to her go on about wanting her husband to change - I started silently praying:

"Lord, I don't know what to say or how to help this woman. I wish she could have received something from me but she is obviously too freshly wounded. Lord, you're gonna have to either give me the words to say, or somehow intervene here."

Have you ever prayed a prayer and then was surprised at how fast it was answered? Almost immediately God answered my plea for help for this woman. I didn't expect to say something philosophical, introspective or eye-opening yet the words that came out of my mouth, (while surprising simplistic) - were exactly what needed to be spoken. And it wasn't just for her...it was what we both needed to hear. I said:

"Whether or not you realize it, God doesn't need your help fixing your husband."

With that said, she stopped...and thought about it for quite a while. Then she replied, "huh...I never really thought about that before, but you're right, God doesn't need my help."

For some of us, hearing that it's not our job to fix someone else is freeing! Just the word job implies; duty, responsibility and burden. So to hear that God doesn't necessarily need us is so liberating!

God's word tells us that when we "keep company with Christ we will learn to live freely and lightly" (Matthew 11:30 the Message)

While God doesn't need our help; He wants to use us and when we yield ourselves to Him, He can do amazing things through us.

Not because He needs to use us -- but because He wants to use us...and even more, He loves us!

For others, those "fixer" types. To hear that God doesn't need us might sound like an insult. "If
God doesn't really need me, than what's my significance?"

It is only when we strip ourselves of that need for significance, and understand that we are God's dearly loved children that we can clothe ourselves with things like; compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness and patience. (Colossians 3:12)

God definitely doesn't need our help -- yet we definitely DO need His.

"Blessed is he whose help is the God of Jacob, whose hope is in the LORD his God." Psalms 146:5

"So do not fear, for I am with you; do not be dismayed, for I am your God. I will strengthen you and help you; I will uphold you with my righteous right hand." Isaiah 41:10