Resolutions suck!!

So it's the new year...uugghh. Why is it that every December I decide that the very best thing I can do is to come up a list of things that I'm supposed to change in the upcoming new year? --

Yup, starting January first I'm going to be a new woman...improved, enhanced and excelling in all things!

Yet for some reason my entire DNA screams, "DON'T DO IT!! Your just setting yourself up for failure AGAIN." But I say nay-nay...I refuse to listen to that naughty voice of negativity! "After all, I can do this! This WILL be THE year that I finally achieve my ultimate ideal for myself."

Already, the short list of my personal resolutions for 2010 are:

loose weight
eat right
exercise
stop chewing my nails
read my bible more
wake up earlier
do devotionals with my kids
spend less
save more
and the list goes on and on...

Yet at the end of the day (and each year so far)...all I'm left with is this sinking feeling of being a failure. It plagues me with it's constant reminders that I couldn't do what I set out to do. It mocks and teases and points and laughs...I hate it yet it seems to happen year after year after year.

I've always had this idea of what the perfect day would be like. It would start with me waking up before the kids so that I could have my quiet time. Then I would cook them breakfast and we would have family devotions while eating together. Next, I would clean the mess, pick up the house and get some laundry going while they did their chores and got ready for school. Then our homeschool day would be chock full of exciting and rewarding educational things. And of course that evening after having some time to just connect with my honey - we'd play a family game, or go for a walk...all the while enjoying each others company and creating lasting memories.

Then I wake up and reality hits (and bites sometimes too...)

Unfortunately, in my 24 years of being a mother and wife - I've yet to have that perfect day. To be honest, the last time I cooked my kids breakfast on a weekday...they asked "what happened, mom? Did someone die? Did you and Dad get in a big fight? What's wrong?" (true story...) Truth be told, they were visibly concerned by my cheerful morning demeanor! (I'm not a morning person)

So I've spent much of my adult life feeling like a failure. Because I have this unrealistic expectation of what life SHOULD look like...and since it has never even slightly resembled my idealistic view of perfection, it only makes sense to conclude that my inability to achieve success must be primarily due to my lack of resoluteness...right?

WRONG

A few months ago the Lord began to show me that I've gotten it wrong all these years. It's the familiar verses in Romans 7:14-25 where Paul is speaking about how he knows what he wants to do and should do, but he can not carry it out. He shares how he keeps on doing the evil things that he does not want to do.

Yea Paul...I'm with ya...I do that too.

Every single year, since I can remember, I've make a list of resolutions that I just can't seem to carry out; so I end up feeling disappointed in myself, yet again. I can definitely relate to Paul's frustration of not being able to do what he resolves to do; Yet Paul never takes it to the conclusion that I do...He never considers himself a failure...why is that?

Turns out, Paul's conclusion is pretty much a 180 from mine, and when I read his reaction to his own failures, I was floored! It was a light bulb moment for me and at once I was able to pinpoint the exact place that Paul and I veered off into different directions in our quest for perfection.

Paul, after realizing his inability to carry out right behavior was quite different than mine.

While I like to wallow in my failures, all the while telling myself that I suck at resolutions because I'm weak and pathetic, inadequate and spineless -- Paul reacts in a much healthier, godlier way:

"I've tried everything and nothing helps. I'm at the end of my rope. Is there no one who can do anything for me? Isn't that the real question? The answer, thank God, is that Jesus Christ can and does. He acted to set things right in this life of contradictions where I want to serve God with all my heart and mind, but am pulled by the influence of sin to do something totally different" (Roman 7:24-25 The Message Bible)

Paul goes on to say in Romans 8 that The spirit of life in Christ frees us from having to live under that dark cloud of failure. The Message Bible version of Romans chapter 8 is truly some of the most powerful, life-changing verses I've ever read. And they have inspired me to try something new...

So, this year I've decided to be resolute about one thing and one thing only...I resolve to treat each day as a new day in which I will do my best to trust in the Lord that He will provide me with exactly what I need to get through THIS DAY. No more and no less.

Maybe 2010 will be THE YEAR I keep my resolutions! I'll let you know how it goes.

"This is the day the LORD has made; let us rejoice and be glad in it." Psalms 118:24