Strength is over-rated! Weakness ROCKS!

I guess my mind is playing tricks on me again...

I can take a few little bits of information and spin them up (in my mind) into a concoction that seems to take on a life of it own.

This may come as a surprise to ya'll, but...
I have issues.

One of my many is that I can take just about anything said or done (by others) and turn it into some sort of self criticism about me.

For example; If someone were to tell me that I looked nice today - I can take that, twist it and receive it as meaning that I didn't look nice yesterday. (it's crazy - I know!)

My most recent self condemnation experience was when a few ladies just stopped attending my Bible study on forgiveness. At first I told myself all the right things like: "It's just not the right timing for them." or "they probably had a scheduling conflict."

But my heart screamed..."no, it's you!
They're not coming back because they don't like you!"

Why does wrong thinking sometimes feel so right? I had convinced myself that there could be no other possible reason.

Finally, I mustered up enough courage to actually ask one of these ladies why she was no longer coming to this weekly Bible study. Her response couldn't have been more encouraging or sweet. She clearly shared that her inability to attend had absolutely nothing to do with her not liking me or the study. Once again I let my insecurities get the best of me.

So then I just felt foolish - what a big, fat, waste of my time. I had spun up this tangled web of false fabrications...all built upon the fault line of incomplete, inaccurate information.

Why do I do that, Lord?? Am I the only one who see's my flaws so much more clearly than my strengths?

Come to find out...the answer to that question is a surprising - "NOT AT ALL!!"

I'm not the only one who's been infected with a bad case of the self-doubts. Actually, I've got some pretty impressive company! There are two particular biblical figures that I can really relate to regarding my lack of confidence:

First - Moses...

Father God speaks to him through a burning bush and this is how he responds:

- "Who am I that I should go...?" Exodus 3:11
- "O Lord, please send someone else to do it." Exodus 4:13

Realizing not everyone called by God responded like the profit Isaiah with a enthusiastic "Here I am. Send me!" (Isaiah 6:8) was both comforting and reassuring to me. God can and does use those of us who are plagued with uncertainty.

Second - Gideon.

The angle of the LORD appears to Gideon, addressing him as a "mighty warrior!" and his reaction...

- "but Lord...I am the least in my family." (Judges 6:15)

Most of us know much of what Moses went on to do...(little things like parting the red sea, making water come out of a rock and leading the Israelite s out of their land of slavery - just to name a few)

Gideon went on to do something pretty miraculous as well. He obeyed God who told him to take only 300 men with him into battle. They defeated 120,000 swordsmen. (judges 8:10) Seriously, that's one man for every 400 swordsmen. Those are some crazy odds! I guess having God on their side gave them a serious advantage.

Both of these men were completely riddled with insecurities and self doubts yet they pushed through their self critical natures and intentionally did a few simple yet significant things that set them apart to be used by God. 1. They trusted and 2. They obeyed.

A few of my friends have asked me, "why do you always do that to yourself...beat yourself up like that?" My response, most typically - "I don't know how not too...If I could stop it, I would!"

What to hear something even crazier? If I let it, questions like that can actually fuel the fire and make me more insecure about how self critical I am. (See...I told you...I've got issues.)

So I've decided that instead of trying to change my nature - I'm gonna bathe my weaknesses in the Word of God:

* ...I (God) will bind up the injured and strengthen the weak (Ezekiel 34:16)

*That is why, for Christ's sake, I delight in weaknesses...For when I am weak, then I am strong. (2 Cor. 12:10)

*If I must boast, I will boast of the things that show my weakness. (2 Cor. 11:30)

*But he (God) said to me, "My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness." Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ's power may rest on me." (2 Cor. 12:9)

Then, after my self doubts are all squeaky clean from being washed in God's word...I'm gonna do what both Moses and Gideon did. I think this old Hymn say's it best:

Trust and obey
For there's no other way,
To be happy in Jesus,
But to trust and obey.